Sunday, January 1, 2012

It's been one hell of a year!

It's been January 1, 2012 for about an hour. I'm sitting on my couch in my apartment, watching an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I just got home a few minutes ago from picking up friends, A&L, from the airport. They just returned from a week in Mexico, and we counted down the last seconds of 2011 on A's iPhone on I-205 somewhere around exit 23. I asked her what she did for Christmas.

"We laid on the beach and I drank a bloody Mary. Ironic, right?"

"I was just talking about you today", I said, because I was. In noon AA meeting today I was talking about my friend who let me live in her guest room after my life had fallen apart. I moved into A's guest room one year ago today, and eleven months ago today was the last time I took a drink. That's the coin I got today!

Anything is possible. Today I drove myself in my own car - sober - to two meetings, came home to a clean and cool apartment in a great neighborhood, washed next week's work clothes, watched some cable, surfed the internet, and picked friends up at the airport. If I had imagined this scene a year ago today, it would have broken my heart. To me, a year ago, this simple day was not possible. Last ditch survival instincts were kicking in. I could hardly be sure I would still be around at all. That I have a guest room today means that ANYTHING IN THE WORLD IS ACTUALLY POSSIBLE.

My last entry wasn't very positive, and when sharing this journal to new people since March, I've had to reassure them that I haven't relapsed. This, I could imagine eight months ago, but I wouldn't have bet more than I could afford that it would come true.

I'll be following up here with stories from the last ten months, and there are lots of them. For example, the guy that lived in the tent? It turns out he was a huge asshole, and was removed from the program after I ratted him out for stealing. The hot smack junkie came back, then left. Last I heard he was back in detox, which is great news. I moved out in July and into my new apartment in August. I've been a legal driver for about two weeks now.

I haven't been perfect about following the program. But just for today I'm thinking about the wonder that allowing myself to be open to a Higher Power has brought to my life. If I read a story like mine I wouldn't believe it at all. What a fantastic year.

1 comment:

Dear Crabby said...

Dude. Yr awesome. Love.